When push comes to shove..

It’s been a while since I’ve last updated. Being a single parent with no help whatsoever is time consuming. No complaints though, I love spending time with my son. He is the light of my life and wouldn’t change a thing about him.

Yesterday evening I was served with court papers, ordering me to arrive in court on 9 am on Tuesday, January 3rd… All because I’m sued by Tristan’s dad for sole custody, visitation, and child support. According to the paperwork, the “petitioner” (Tristan’s dad) believes he is the more fit parent and he should be the primary parent for this little boy. I have a stable job, been there for almost a year. I have an apartment in a gated community for him and I. I have taken care of him since birth by myself, physically and financially. Never been in trouble.

…But most importantly I love my son and do the best job I can make sure he has the life he deserves. I work my butt off to make sure he is safe, and cared for, and has food to eat and milk to drink. He is always my first priority, everything I do is for him.

I just don’t understand how someone can be so selfish to take a baby from a loving, caring home with his mother. Especially after what we went through together. We both should have died in the car accident, but we made it for a reason. Placental abruption usually doesn’t end with the mother and baby both alive. We are both very lucky, and I thank god for that every day.

boy, some people have a lot of nerve.

You know, I’ve never really been the type of person to hold a grudge. I get upset, forgive, and forget. BUT – when it comes to the threatening and harassing bs, and calling child protective services on me because I “beat my son”… Then I think I have grounds to hold a grudge.

This all started back in June. I was (stupidly) staying with my ex boyfriend’s parents. They were always very helpful to me, giving me a place to stay, helping me with anything I needed… Until one morning, it was a Thursday. Now, I work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday every week from 7 am to 7 pm. At this point, I was living in Beggs (BFE) and it took about 45 minutes to get to Saint Francis, so I had to get up at 5 every day and leave by 6 at the absolute latest. And this is paired with being a single parent with an infant. So, anyways, it was Thursday morning, I want downstairs to make Tristan a bottle at about 8:30 am, and went back upstairs to lay down because I was just exhausted. Not five minutes goes by, and here comes Tristan’s “nana” storming into the bedroom. She starts going off on me about how I’m not doing what’s best for Tristan, I need to let her adopt him OH WAIT but I can see him anytime I want. Uhh, no bitch sorry. She left, so I packed my shit and IMMEDIATELY got out of that place. The NEXT DAY, child protective services got a call because I “abuse” my son, and I’m “aggressive” towards him.. 1) I would NEVER hurt my son, especially with what he went through at birth. Fucking RIDICULOUS accusations seriously pissed me off. 2) I have NEVER been accused of being aggressive.. IN MY LIFE.

So, with that being said, a DHS social worker had to start a case. Came to my mom’s house, where I went to stay, and did a “home investigation”. Of course, my son had NO BRUISES and was a very happy little baby. A few days pass, and she gets MORE calls. This time, I still “beat him” supposedly, but now I’m not feeding him either. 1) This bitch hasn’t seen my son for weeks. How would she know what he eats? 2) My son was like 20 pounds at 8 months. Trust he, he is fed VERY WELL.

The caseworker came back to my house, and did another home investigation, and realized that this was a bunch of bull. She closed the case and said if she continues to get calls then she would forward this case to the DA and these psychos would get charged with false reporting. Now, this has been since June as I was saying. These crazy people have seen Tristan once, MAYBE twice in this time span. They may be his “FAMILY”, but obviously they had THEIR best interest at heart (taking Tristan and adopting him for themselves), rather than Tristan’s best interest (being with his biological MOTHER). My little boy went through WAY too much at the beginning of his life, and I’m not about to let these psycho people make his life hell. He is loved SO dearly by my family, he is perfectly fine without his father’s side of the family in his life. Unlike those people, I put my baby boy first NOT myself. I love him more than anything, and these ridiculous accusations are just.. Absurd.

They have told me time and time again “WE’LL SEE YOU IN COURT!” Yeah, um ok, I’ll see you there. But good luck since Oklahoma has NO grandparents rights. If anyone were to take him away from me it would be Tristan’s father, and NO JUDGE IN HIS/HER RIGHT MIND WOULD GIVE ANY CHILD TO HIM. Sorry, but he lives with his sister.. He just got his truck repo’d.. Been to jail a few times.. CONSTANTLY overdrafts his checking account.. He was evicted from his apartment in August.. There are multiple police reports against him for domestic violence (when I was PREGNANT).. He refuses to give me child support.. And his family is fucking nuts. As you can see.

So, recently Tristan’s bat shit crazy “nana” decided to text me and ask me if Tristan could spend the night with her. I never laughed so hard in my life! Uh no, absolutely not. These crazy people would have to pry him out of my dead cold fingers before I EVER let him go over there.

However, I think I’m doing the right thing for my son. He doesn’t need the drama and the BS in his life, he deserves WAY better and I intend to give him the best life I possibly can on my own!

❤

please read :)

I will be the FIRST to admit that I’m not the BEST parent in the world, cause I’m not. But, does that make me a bad one? Absolutely not.

Did I even CONSIDER abortion? NO.

Did I put him up for adoption? NO.

DO I drink? NO.

Do I do drugs? NO.

Do I abuse my son? NO.

Do I take care of him to the best of my ability? YES.

I love my son more than anything. I stayed home with him until he was 5 months old. I would LOVE to be a stay at home mom for him, but I simply HAVE to work. Luckily, I have a job where I only have to work 3 12 hour shifts, then I’m off 4 days. During those nights I have to work the next morning, I TAKE CARE OF HIM. I get up EVERY TIME he cries. And YES I am damn tired, but I get up at 5:45 in the morning and make it to work ON TIME, EVERY DAY. And SO WHAT if I prop his bottle on a blanket!? He’s a SLOW EATER, and I can’t be up ALL NIGHT when I get 5 hours of sleep, then have to go to work for 12 hours the next day. SORRY. But that does NOT make me a bad mother to my son. Neither does the fact that I JUST worked 3 12 hour shifts in a row, and got MAYBE 5 hours a sleep per night, and I felt like laying in bed until 9 on my day off. OH MY GOSH, I AM AN AWFUL PARENT. Ha. Yeah. RIGHT.

I take him to EVERY SINGLE doctor appointment. I pay every single co pay. Pediatrician. Physical Therapy. Neurologist. Developmental Therapy. ME. Does his dad ever take him!? NO! Does his dad ever try and go!? NO! Does his dad pay me$100 per week like he’s supposed to!? NO! Does his dad ever try to spend time with him!? NO! He’s too busy going to the club and the bar. I NEVER go out. If you don’t believe me, ask my friends. I don’t even REMEMBER the last time I hung out with ANY ONE of MY friends. YES, I went out on my 21ST BIRTHDAY. How much did I drink?? 1 at lunch and 1 at the casino. AND WOW, I didn’t even do ANYTHING with my own FRIENDS. I went out with my ex-boyfriend and his sister and was HOME before midnight.

I know what’s best for my son, and that’s being with his biological mother. Try and take him from me and he will RESENT you for LIFE. He is my child and I intend to raise him as so. I am VERY appreciative of everything everything that everyone has done for myself and for my son, and that will never change. But I refuse to be threatened, talked down to, or harassed. That goes for my family as well. I WILL NOT tolerate it, and my son will NOT be around it. That’s a PROMISE. My papaw is in his mid 70’s, and you feel the SICK need to call him bitching about what a terrible parent I am!? WOW. Then, calling my mom from a BLOCKED number? VERY MATURE.

But, I am not going to worry about the drama these people are trying to start. I have changed my cell phone number. And I am not afraid to get a restraining order, if needed. I am NOT playing these games. So go ahead, try something.

 

🙂

Quick Update!

Well, it’s been a minute since I’ve posted. A looooong minute! But, that’s alright. I’m back!

A lot has happened. First of all, Tristan is SEVEN months old now!? When did this happen!? Since when do I have a big boy!? Lol. He’s even got his first tooth coming in! VISIBLY! It’s so precious I can hardly stand it! 😉 He also just had another EEG done on June 30th, last Thursday. We get the results with Dr. Siegler on July 14th. I’m sooo incredibly nervous though. I mean, just think about it. For the first few days of Tristan’s life he “wasn’t going to make it”. Then, he was going to be “disabled” and he had definite “brian damage”, and don’t forget that the EEG and MRI are both “abnormal”. Uhm wow, thanks for the optimism!? I’m just nervous for the results. I don’t think I can be blamed though. Just about anyone WOULD be concerned. Waiting around makes me anxious, too. Greeeeeat.

I started working my regular shifts at work. Well, by regular I mean my ECB schedule. Then, FINALLY I got shifted to a full time position, and now I officially work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday 7 am to 7 pm. Which works great with a baby, four days off a week will be nice!

I’m in the process of finding an apartment. But CHEAP but SAFE are not really compatible in the Tulsa area, so I’m trying to find something that will really work for Tristan and I. I’m hoping I can come across some good summer specials. Because we are in serious need of our own place!

Anyway, more later. I’m E X H A U S T E D and have some serious sleep deprivation, so I’m gonna go take care of that right now and get some rest!

 

❤

 

Neither here nor there..

So, I’ve been sick with strep throat and a middle ear infection for a few days. Along with everything else, it’s not making matters better at all. I had to miss class today, because I’m still “contagious” until I’ve been on my antibiotic for 72 hours and I’m not running a fever. And I was supposed to have taken my first test today! Of course.

Friday for work, I actually went up to my assigned floor and worked there for the day. It was a little different than I had expected, but it will do. I’m not really too excited about bathing patients, but someone has to do it I guess. And not all of them are “full care” so that’s good.

Tristan is supposed to start seeing an audiologist soon. Just another specialist to add to the list. As if it wasn’t too many in the first place. But, he can SIT UP! And really well! His developmental specialist was here today and she was impressed. I’m so proud of my boy 🙂

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I am a nurse tech. With healing superpowers.

So, I’m sitting in the lobby if the education center here at saint francis. I’m halfway through with the work day, praise jesus! We’re learning about vitals, which is interesting, in a simple way. We have to get temps, blood pressure, pulse, and respirations on our partners. Not sure how I feel about this.

I’m getting sad because I miss Tristan! I really hate that I don’t get to spend more time with him. Going from being a stay at home mom with him to working 8-4.30 every day is a rough transition.

30 minutes left of lunch break. I’m gonna go explore.

❤

Untitled. Love, creativity block.

It’s been a rough past few days. I started working at Saint Francis on Monday. The entire health system had their new employee orientation, and it was incredibly boring. I sat there for 8 hours and watched powerpoint presentations from like 12 different people. Yesterday we had patient care orientation, for RN’s LPN’s PCT’s and NT’s. Today was just the NTTC, finally. I learned that I was selected for 1 Specialty, Cardiac. Which is obviously a part of the Saint Francis Heart Hospital. I ordered 3 sets of “wine” scrubs, and I’m having them embroidered with the SF logo, which apparently takes 4-6 days? Um ok? Anyway, I’m a little disappointed I didn’t go to an intensive care floor (Neoro IC, Trauma ICU, or Cardiac ICU) but oh well. 1 Specialty is where patients go after their stay in the CICU, so apparently their stay on my floor is usually fairly short. I also got my regular badge today. Rather than the BRIGHT yellow “new employee” one I had. Which is definitely an upgrade!

Tristan update!
Ok so… He’s already sitting up!? He just turned 5 months old on May 1st, and he’s sitting up and GOOD too! I’m proud of him! He’s definitely beating all the odds! It’s hard to believe in the first few days after his birth they didn’t even think he was going to live, and look at him now! I’m just speechless. Not only that but he’s TEETHING, and 2 teeth at that! ON TOP! He’s going to look like a little vampire, cause that’s exactly where those teeth are coming in. I can’t believe he’s so big already. Ugh, I could say that over and over. It’s just going so fast!

But, I’m feeling really crappy from today.. Headache, sore throat, and nausea.. So, I’m going to go lay down or take a nap. I need it!

❤

Forever & Always

It’s been a few days since I’ve been able to post on here. FINALLY I’ve got some free time while Tristan is taking his morning nap, so I’ll take advantage.

First of all, (even though he won’t read this….) I want to wish a happy anniversary to my boyfriend Caleb. Today is our year and a half anniversary. Most people don’t celebrate “half” anniversaries, but we do 🙂 We’ve been through a lot together, good and bad, so these days are special! We’re both stubborn and have strong personalities and opinions, so we clash sometimes. But we put each other in line sometimes too lol, and it’s a good thing.

Tristan has a SoonerStart session today. He still isn’t consistently rolling over on his own, so I’m really trying to work with him on it. Also, I’m starting to get a little worried about his hearing. He should know his name by now, or at least turn his head toward my voice.. And he never does! He’s 5 months old on Sunday, so I’ll probably bring this up during his session this afternoon. Also, I really am starting to think he’s teething. He’s drooling CONSTANTLY, he chews on EVERYTHING, he’s been incredibly fussy, and he’s had diarrhea.. Plus he has Croup, and he got his 4 month shots on Tuesday. He’s 15 pds 5.5 oz, and 25″. He’s in like the 45 percentile for weight and 25 for height, lol. He has his 6 month checkup on June 1st. My boy is growing up too fast! 😥

Well, I start my job at Saint Francis on Monday! I’m excited but then again I’m sad to be leaving Tristan with a babysitter. Well, by babysitter I mean my mom, my dad, or Caleb’s mom. Since I’ll be working Monday through Friday for 5 weeks, he’ll go to my mom Monday & Tuesday, my dad Wednesday, and Caleb’s mom Thursday & Friday. Just so everyone will get a chance to spend time with him! I haven’t ok’d this with everyone, but I’m hoping it will work.

I have SO MUCH work to do today. This apartment is a disaster. I need to vacuum pretty much the whole apartment, start the dishes in the dishwasher, clean the kitchen pretty much top to bottom, clean the living room also pretty much top to bottom, wash Tristan’s bedding AND clothes, clean Tristan’s room, stock Tristan’s diapers wipes and diaper bag, take out trash, clean out the fridge of expired food (ew), hang up and/or fold mine and Caleb’s laundry, and clean BOTH bathrooms. That doesn’t even include taking care of myself (showering, getting dressed, fixing hair, etc,.) OR taking care of Tristan! UGH! I’ve seriously got my hands full! Sadly enough I think going to work will give me the break I need!

I’ve been really stressed about my financial situation, too. I had about $1,400 in the bank, but I had so many bills it’s like almost gone. I’ve got MAYBE a couple hundred left. I had to pay My $260 car payment, 2 phone bills at $100 a piece, $335 for car insurance (RIDICULOUS BY THE WAY.), I had to buy glasses which was $100, cox cable was $75, gas at $40 for a full tank, $80 for groceries and random stuff I needed, $50 on my capitalONE card, $35 for storage, and I went to dinner a few times. Unfortunately I have to pay for my tags ($500), my next car payment ($260), and insurance ($330). With like $350 in the bank. UGH. *stressed* OH not to mention I still owe TCC like $1,330. Awesome!

Anyways, I’ve got cleaning to do AND Tristan just woke up!

❤

Mentally awake, physically exhausted.

I am completely worn out, but my brain is going a million miles a minute. I can’t sleep. I tried getting in bed with Caleb.. But I didn’t feel tired. Got out of bed, went into the kitchen and made Tristan a bottle. Topped it off with some rice cereal so maybe he (and I!!) can get a good nights rest tonight. Shortly after, he woke up. I fed him the bottle, burped him, changed his diaper, and put him back in his crib. He started talking a little bit, so I gave him his binky, and he immediately started to doze off.

Last night I did the same.. Fed him his last bottle of the night around 10:45, put him to bed right at 11:00 and he slept until about 4:50. Went back to bed and didn’t wake up until 9:30. Which is good! Considering the past week and a half he’s been waking up every two hours at night. I’m crossing my fingers that if I keep putting him to bed a little later, he’ll be tired enough to sleep the entire night!!

Ugh. I wish I was tired. Rest is much needed with a baby! He drains me, lol. I guess I’ll TRY to go to bed, lord knows I need more sleep then I’ve been getting. But it hurts to lay on my left side though, because my ear is still sore from getting my triple helix tapered back open yesterday. Hopefully it will heal quickly! Ok. I’m going to bed. Goooooodnight!

❤

The show goes on.

So I’m sitting here.. Did some cleaning earlier. Started some laundry. Tristan is napping now. He’s been acting really funny lately, so I called his doctor and told them his symptoms.. And even though his 4 month appointment is tomorrow morning, they said he needed to be seen today. I hope everything is ok. I’m kinda worried though, because I got a letter in the mail saying when Tristan was released from the hospital, his blood sample was abnormal. Which could be cystic fibrosis. I looked on WebMD, and out of the symptoms checklist he has a few, but I mean.. Not all of them? Ugh. It just worries me. As if my poor guy hasn’t gone through enough! I hope if anything, it’s just something small. I worry about him too much. But, what mother wouldn’t after his history?

In other news, I’m getting a loan to pay off my school so I can enroll this summer! I’m SO ready to be back in school. I have a  bad feeling it’s going to conflict with my work schedule though. Of course, it’s always something. When I go to my assigned unit at Saint Francis, I’ll most likely be working 2-3 12 hour shifts a week. I would really prefer not to work weekends, cause Caleb’s only day off is Sunday.. But I don’t know! I have to take: Freshman Comp I, Intro to Psychology, Intro to Biology for Majors, Human Anatomy, and Principles of Chemistry.. Those are the only prerequisites I need before I can apply for RN school. So, I’m thinking.. If I complete those classes over the summer, I’ll be able to apply for that program next fall. My ultimate goal is actually to go to OU to get my degree, so we’ll see how that goes! It would be rough though, living that far away from family.. We would have some issues with babysitting! Ugh. I honestly just don’t know how we’re gonna do it, with me working and going to school, and Caleb working 72 hours a week, AND throwing Tristan into it! Stress, stress, stress, stress! I seriously can’t say it enough.

Anyway. I’ve got some things to do before I take Tristan to the pediatrician. Plus we gotta stop by Wal-Mart on the way there.

❤